christy

2/27/96  

White Water Life Rafting

Written By: Becky Donofrio

We call this story White Water Rafting because from the day we met Christi that, what it has been like and we all jumped straight in to the white water together - there wag no gentle river ride relaxing and talking leading to the white water it was straight into the rapids. We first met Christi' in October of 1989, when her regional center service coordinator called and asked if we could help her to find a job. Oh, there were a few other details he wanted us to know: Christi was 21 years old, had always lived at home with her mom, stepfather and sisters, but had recently experienced separation from her mother because her mother moved to Japan, she had been raped by her stepfather, removed from her parents home, placed in an out of home respite placement for 21 days then on to a residential placement, dropped out of her day services, was 5 months pregnant and had no prenatal care. For some reason the idea of a job search flew out of our minds.

We went right to work on the fast track of getting to know Christi. So together with Christi we found her the way to a counseling agency that was walking distance from her home where she met twice a week with a woman who would listen through Christi's shirt or from behind a pillow comments related to her feelings about being raped, her fears about how it had been told to her by a number of people that she would go to County Hospital and have her baby and the baby would immediately be removed and she would never see her child again and many other things they shared. Christi was referred to a doctor; we took relaxercise classes at adult school until she was ready to take Lamaze.  After having heard about the possibilities of having support services so that she could live with her baby and raise her child and other alternatives like open or cooperative adoption Christi made a decision. Christi met four couples who shared with her their résumé’s and interest in welcoming her child into their lives and homes. She was no longer afraid that the County Hospital scenario was going to take over her child but she knew that one of these couples of her choosing would welcome her child with open arms and that she would be able to continue to see her baby for as long as they all agreed.  She invited me to be at each of these meetings and we talked a lot after them while she considered her decision.

Just before Christmas 1989 she called Adam and Wendy and offered them the "best Christmas present you have ever had" she said, "I want you to have my baby." On January 2, 1990 Tobias was welcomed into this world. Many times over the next six years we have all come together again in the park for a picnic, in a restaurant, at a backyard pool party as we have together watched Toby grow into a handsome young child. Anyone can see the connection between Toby and Christi, they look so much alike and have much the same personality - he even walks with his hands behind his back like she does.

Recovery from childbirth, enrolling at the local junior college for archery and badminton, making plans to move from the group home where she could not "homogenize", finding a job or two or three took us back to the white water raft ride. On we went through the ongoing and abusive relationship with a boyfriend who did not see Christi's gifts. In March of 1991 she began to lose interest in things that had been important to her. After lots of talk, Christi agreed she had not been feeling very energetic and maybe seeing a doctor was a good idea. Within a week she found out she was pregnant. October 24, 1991 Christi gives birth to Christina, a beautiful baby girl while walking back to bed from the bathroom in the apartment, Anthony, her boyfriend, calls the neighbors while Christi screams “Call 911â€�.  Neighbor's help with the baby until the paramedics arrive.  Christina goes home from the hospital with Anthony’s sister and the whole family is very happy.

By 1994 Christi has had probably 7 jobs, 2 children, 5 living situations, a few boyfriends and the same 4 or 5 support staff from CHOICESS. Some things really have not changed, she is a joy to know and we feel fortunate to be invited by her to share in this wild ride called Christi's life. 

christy continued